Saturday, October 22nd, 2022
Sitting in my bedroom alone in the quiet of the night right now, with the exception of some light background music, feels really refreshing. My husband took on the responsibility of sleeping with our toddler tonight to give me a much needed break. Since we started homeschooling again, I have not had much time to be alone. I don't even get time to be alone when all the kids are in their respective schools or homeschool co-ops. Here and there I get 15 minutes alone in the car, but once I get home, I need to spend some time hearing Chris out since he works from home. I've been ignoring my garden, and have had to put aside all the DIY home improvements I planned. The house has become messier due to the many books and paper that came in these past two weeks, and I cant seem to find the time in the calendar nor the energy to organize anything. I am running and teaching from 7am till 7pm, maybe get an hour of TV, and then off to bed with my toddler. It then repeats the next day.
Here is the thing though, despite it all, I feel like things are in their right place finally. For the longest time while Hope was in public school, despite the school being a really decent one, I lacked inner peace that it was the right thing for her. I had a good grasp of where my oldest and youngest children are in their faith journey, thinking, academic capabilities and social development. Like many middle children, it was not so much with Hope. I knew she was ahead academically of her grade placement and doing well socially, but I didn't have a good understanding to where she was in her faith journey and her thinking. She is the quietest and least needy out of all my kids which results in her not receiving as much attention as her brothers. Yet, she didn't seem to mind. I knew that she enjoyed Mommy Daughter Dates and attention from us but never really sought it out as much as her brothers did. She was content being under the radar. Something in me knew that if things continued the way they were, there would be a good chance that she will eventually value her relationship with her peers more than with us. Being only 7 years old, Chris and I only had 2 more years to be the main influence of her worldview. One of my fears as a parent is to find out that my children and I not know each other as the people God made us till its too late where they are already grown and I am old. That was something that hurt me a lot about my own family history that I didn't want to repeat with my own children. It's important that I know them each individually well. Each of their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams and fears. This way I can as a mother do my best to help them achieve their dreams and overcome their fears.